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Every dom-sub relationship is different, and my experiences certainly don’t reflect those of all who pursue this lifestyle.

But I’ve learned a few things in the years I’ve been playing rough that I believe a newbie could benefit from hearing before embarking on this twisted, exhilarating road.

What follows isn’t, of course, a definitive How To Have a Successful Kinky Relationship For D*, 53, before she discovered her interest in submission a decade ago, “Sex was okay, but for years I had craved something that I couldn't define.” Through a dominant male friend who introduced her to Anne Rice’s kinky trilogy, which clued her in to what she’d been missing out on, she studied BDSM and eventually attended her first local kinky events.

But, she says, her fantasies, which were about spontaneous D/s (Dominant/submissive) play and sex, were just that—fantasy.

Bondage and rope play are often order of the day (just make sure you have a 'safe word').

Last modified 11-Mar-2020 11:36