A relationship can also be a literal chemical addiction.
So, a breakup joins two of life’s most challenging experiences: paralyzing grief and the overwhelming physical and emotional withdrawal from an addiction.
When a breakup happens, it can feel like an opaque curtain has descended around you, separating you from the rest of the world. Even the most familiar things—scenery near where you live, the voices of people you know—seem alien and far away.
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He specifically wanted to know if I’d rather be dating this waiter – a man who could barely speak English – plus lived well beyond a 5,000 mile radius of my zip code. I can’t believe you just called Bruce an a***hole,” I said. I said, ‘If you continue to stay with Bruce, then YOU are an a**hole.’” “What? ” I repeated this word out loud – a word as opposite in content as a mantra could ever be – but alas, more powerful than any mantra I’d ever used. “Listen, Karen,” Sid said, “at this point in therapy we are simply wasting time talking about Bruce – and how messed up he is.
I kept reassuring Bruce I was not the teeniest bit interested in this Turkish dude – yet Bruce refused to talk to me for a full two days of our vacation! “But you’re right, he is an a**hole.” “Actually, I didn’t call HIM an a**hole! Quite frankly, you are only using stories about Bruce to distract yourself from your real issues – and the important inner work you have to do on yourself.
Not because this man looked great in black Spandex tights. I made a silly joke to our Turkish waiter – who then laughed – and touched my shoulder before he left our table.